R – Reflection

These are very short extracts from Dr. Susan E. Schwartz’s and my recently published book ‘Aging & Becoming ~ A Reflective Enquiry’. Susan E. Schwartz is identified as SES and I am SS, in italics. From ‘Reflection & Renewal’.

SES: We refresh our relationships, till their soil, make happen what we formerly gave up and repressed. The regrets remind us. The old is the fertilzer that nourishes and rewards and brings renewal to fill in the present. pg. 106

SS: We may rue the choices we made in our lives …. all those steps we’ve taken, the threads, the barely discernible pattern, have brought us to where we are, now – an older time, one that has its own wisdom and beauty. And, the rewards are not inconsiderable. pg. 107

She wants to live for once. But doesn’t quite know what that means. Wonders if she has ever done it. If she ever will.

Alice Walker

N – Naming

These are very short extracts from Susan E. Schwartz and my recently released book “Aging & Becoming ~ A Reflective Enquiry”. Susan E. Schwartz is represented as SES, my words as SS – italicised. From chapter ‘Now & Naming’.

SS: We need to name our hurt, anger, grief, failed relationships or failed purposes and not allow ourselves to be swallowed into some undifferentiated malaise, sadness or hopelessness. ... This is awful but the experience of it needs to be named even though the words be hard to articulate. Naming gives the reality shape and form and can free us from earlier constrictions. … Though … naming can too often be representational and objectifying. We sometimes name dream images too quickly and restrict its expansion into something larger. pg 91

SES: Part of aging is naming the problems, finding the unknown strengths. Naming gives agency. We are no longer run by something too amorphous or frightening when we name and become conscious of it. What a relief to name and how it clarifies the needs of the psyche and soul. pg 92

Nothing feeds the centre so much as creative work, even humble kinds like cooking and sewing.

Anne Morrow Lindbergh

M – Moon

These are very short extracts from Susan E. Schwartz and my recently released book “Aging & Becoming ~ A Reflective Enquiry”. Susan E. Schwartz is represented as SES, my words as SS – italicised. From the chapter: Moon, Mourning & Mystery.

SS: We could look to the moon when it is waxing or waning and know that we also experience those cycles of dark and light, fullness and emptiness, brightness and dimness, visibility and visibility. pg 85

SES: The moon has been associated with the feminine. Like the moon, our older time of life includes its waning side as it moves towards the darkness and the end of the moonlight. More than other planets it influences the earth through the tides, women’s periods, weather, moods. Its force is diffuse, less direct, less definite. May be part of the enchantment with the moon is that we can easily project onto it. pg.85

Yes, in the obscured sky a moon does float, newly, a wishing moon, a sliver of ancient rock, a goddess, a wink.

Margaret Attwood

L : Loss

These are very short extracts from Susan E. Schwartz’s and my recently released book “Aging & Becoming ~ A Reflective Enquiry”. Susan E. Schwartz is represented as SES, mine as SS – italicised. From chapter ‘Love, Loss & Belonging’.SES: Yet, even with this despair around loss, rebirth will occur, like the seasons and cycles of everything in nature. From the dead arise the flowering of spring. We are nature. One part of life balances another.  Eventually a smile, when we thought we never would or eat when food had no taste or we move when our limbs are leaden or we create when there was nothing. When we are subsumed by loss there is nothing. Yet, love does return. pg 81

SS: How well you say about love and loss belonging together. The loss must be the harder to bear the more one has loved. How hard is the journey we face. Or is the loss harder when there has not been enough love and now the chance is really gone? pg 82.

There is time for work. And time for love. There is no other time.

Coco Chanel

K – Keys

These are very short extracts from Susan E Schwartz’s and my recently released book “Aging & Becoming ~ A Reflective Enquiry”. Susan E. Schwartz is represented as SES, mine as SS – italicised. From chapter ‘Knowledge & Keys’.

SS: Growing older is a step into the unknown. We’ve witnessed women growing older and are sometimes in awe of their ongoing achievements and aliveness; but too often we see women who do not enjoy or appreciate life much due to illness, infirmity, loneliness, sadness, economic misfortune. Or we see women resigned in an unhealthy way towards their aging. Denial seems to be the name of the game. But the key to us is there when the knock is heard and now is the time to hear it. pg.77

SES: There are many types of knowledge, including those that lie on the underbelly of life. For instance, in some fairy tales the older woman is called Baba Yaga, a mysterious one, often a witch who resides on the edge of the forest. Her place there denotes that she can negotiate both conscious and unconscious realms. The young girl in the story has to consult her and get directions for her journey. It means following orders that seem obtuse or impossible. It means trusting in that which is unknown and makes no sense. The Baba Yaga figure, the elder, is the one who has knowledge, confidence and firmness in guiding the younger so she will accomplish what she must. pg. 77

We do not want our world to perish. But in our quest for knowledge, century by century, we have placed all our trust in a cold, impartial intellect which only brings us nearer to destruction.

Dora Russell

J – Joy

These are very short excerpts from Susan E. Schwartz & my recently published book “Aging & Becoming ~ A Reflective Enquiry”. Susan E. Schwartz is SES, I am SS – my writings are italicized. This is from the chapter ‘Joy & Journey’.

SES: Jouissance … a source of creativity and we could say that the suppression of jouissance prevents women from expressing their voices. Organizing or planning for fulfilment now, we realize that what was intriguing earlier in life, what seemed so necessary, may be no longer. Maybe our joy now resides in different aspects, more thoughtful observations and reflections, and this is also part of what defines jouissance. pg 70

SES: Remember, the journey has jogs in the road. It is not a straight path. It has ups and downs and obstacles that provide life-expanding experiences, even when they seem limiting. If not for the jog or the detour, we may not make it. Like in the fairytales, the heroine finds herself in the most unlikely circumstances. She has to get lost, leave all she knew and find another way to proceed. Being on the road of the unknown with its twists and turns is the only option. pg 70.

‘The marvelous richness of human experience would lose something of rewarding joy if there were no limitations to overcome. The hilltop hour would not be half so wonderful if there were no dark valleys to traverse’.

Helen Keller

I – Image

These are very short excerpts from Susan E. Schwartz & my recently published book “Aging & Becoming ~ A Reflective Enquiry”. Susan E. Schwartz is SES, I am SS – my writings are italicized. Page numbers are given. This is from the chapter: Intimacy & Image.

SES: We face a quandary about where to find vibrant images of aging that we want to emulate or follow. These do not appear in the glossies, magazine covers or the Internet chatter. Rather we can be informed from the tales of the ancestors, the myths and stories of humankind, in all forms of culture, literature and art. These can show us the paths to honor and love and are guides along our journey in the search for whom we are. And, most assuredly, the images can appear in our dreams. pg 66.

SS: I flew down to Cape Town to meet 2 very dear and old friends from when we were in our 20’s.  …. We spoke of our changing attitudes and identities as we grow older, our loves and our likes, what brings us joy, our hurts and concerns, dreams fulfilled, those not, our sometimes envy of youth and their beauty. … We talked about aging as an initiation, a way of tying up loose ends and as a way of preparing for death. We are not immortal as we may have thought 40 years ago. pg 68

‘I don’t cover my face because I want to show my identity’.

Malala Yousafzai