H- HAIR

lady with hair

I try to brush the hairs flat with my hand and freeze at the sight of my old hand on my old head. I lean close and open my eyes very wide, trying to see beyond the sagging flesh. It’s no good. Even when I look straight into the milky blue eyes, I can’t find myself anymore. When did I stop being me?

Sarah Gruen *

 Hair is very much part of who we are – we pay attention to our hair throughout our lives managing it, shaping it, styling it, colouring it, cutting it, letting it grow – whatever we do, we like it when our hair is robust and healthy and does what we wish it do, using the talents of salons or ourselves to beautify us in some way as an expression of who we are, towards ourselves and to others – or as many are, remain au naturel and revel in the beauty of that.

 As we age, we may experience the diminishment of hair. Or our hair ‘lets us down’ in that it is not as robust as before. And then one day our hair is lackluster, less than before.  It becomes thinner. Are the changes in our hair a sign of aging? And if it is, it is a loss, a mysterious marking of time..

 Our hair – or lack of it  – all over our body, can mark the endless marching of time. The places not discussed, a language unopened, one that we privately sorrow and lose quietly. We say nothing but there it is. Our hair is no longer what it was – and we may wonder about ever letting our hair down again as we did in our youth, as we age.

 If this sounds bleak, it’s because it is bleak. But like any loss there may be gain. It forces us  to face ourselves when we experience these kinds of changes. It brings a different kind of focus as we accept the inevitability of diminishment of hair. We come to a lesson in acceptance of aging even as we re-shape, cover, add to our hair and remain conscious of the whys and wherefores.

 Could this be a good time, especially in front of the mirror as we re-shape or brush or comb, or use our hair to disguise something on our faces, to be in a reverie about ourselves, and wonder who we may yet become? Can we really look at ourselves in the mirror eye-ball to eye-ball, taking in our hair, our wrinkles, our roots? And be in that moment of now – this is me.

 Can you?

A hair divides what is true and false: Omar Khayyam

39 Comments on H – Hair

  1. Hair today, gone tomorrow! Yes, definitely a hard loss to face, much more so than the coarsening of skin and waistline. Liked your posts and your theme, not a subject we talk about frankly.
    Visiting from the A-Z.
    Best wishes,
    Nilanjana.

  2. Indeed, hair is a woman’s crowning glory. I have unruly, rough, unmanageable hair. When i met my husband and got close enough he asked me to get them straightened. Inside i felt ugly for being in my natural tresses.

    Because with jet black straight hair i was looking beautiful but a part of me was masked. Loved your post Susan.

    http://sinhasat302.blogspot.in/

    • How well you put that Shweta .. feeling masked. I think you are beautiful no matter how your hair but it is true that hair is our crowning glory and we love how it makes us look and feel.
      Thank you for your comment.

  3. Only in my 20s and yet I find it has thinned down from my teenage days. Lovely locks of hair are a lady’s prized possession. Somewhere, we learn to let go.

  4. Life today is just one long unending bad hair day – and I used to have a mane to rival any! Yes, it was a blow I still reel from!

  5. Thank you for stopping by my hammock! This is such a thought-provoking post, because it is true- our hair marks the passing of time – from the tufts atop baby heads, to tiny pigtails and then longer trusses to sculpt and shape. I am in the ‘paint-the-barn’ stage…I still do a touch up of the area around my face that has gone gray but the rest looks ‘normal’. One day, the gray will be the normal.

    I can relate to the looking down at the hands too, and being almost shocked at the sight. They don’t look like the hands I know anymore. I can’t imagine another 10 years.

    • Dear Carrie;
      Imagining takes us out of the present while doing our hair each day makes us be in the mirror of the current day…
      Thank you,
      Susan

  6. Interesting to find your blog on hair when I just left a lunch room full of people after a discussion about hair loss and cancer and shaving your head to raise money and awareness.

    Hair is such a large part of personal identity for some many people and something that is so apparently to everyone you meet.

    • Dear Kathryn;
      Maybe hair is so apparent as it is one of the ways we express our true selves–or a possible way.
      The loss of hair denotes transformation and deep change–therefore to be seen.
      Thank you,Susan

  7. As Susan in Arizona replied to my friend Robert, “Hairdressers symbolically help arrange the mind.” A few years ago, Robert and I were riding down the highway in my car one bright, sunny day, when he looked at me and said, “You have a hair growing out of your nose.” Yes, as Lynda pointed out in her comment here, “when your hair moves from the pubes to the …” in my case, nose: These are new features about myself that I don’t welcome. As you say, Susans, “[This loss of youth] forces us to face ourselves when we experience these kinds of changes.” Wise. A Rapunzel of a different sort.

    Thankfully, I have a friend such as Robert with whom I am comfortable, who honestly points out the small hair dividing my youth from my age and who, when he colors, highlights and cuts the hair on my head, makes feel lighter and 20 years younger.

    • Dear Samantha;
      With age we treasure the gold in the honesty of friends who support our hair styles or will tell us honestly why not.
      Thank you,
      Susan

  8. I’ve gotten some gray hairs very early in life, maybe too early, and have always covered them with hair dye. But looking in the mirror and admiring our aging/ or accepting it … hmm, sometimes I think: it’s better than the alternative. 🙂

  9. Hair comes with so much angst that doesn’t seem to get better with age. This post really talks to me since you’ve expressed everything I’ve been feeling lately about my hair. Sigh.

  12. Yes, Lynda, quite right – the ones on my chin (my witch hair) are grey now, too. I almost feel rebellious in not colouring my head hair any longer, which makes me feel too, that I am accepting of my ageing, which is, perhaps a good thing. I remarked to myself when I was at the gym today, that the exercise I have been doing, is improving my muscular skeletal and saggy skin ageing self. So that is good………..trying to strengthen my back in order to ready myself to look after my new grandson in the mornings

  13. I have very naturally curly hair that frizzes, more so now that it is gray. I chose to not dye my hair to help remind me of my age, but at the same time I struggle with what my mind tells me and what the mirror tells me. I have gone from auburn-reddish hair to platinum blond, but somehow the change works for who I am. I like my hair… it’s opinionated!

    I loved your post as it is very wise. We do experience a lot of changes as we age. I do not necessarily like the changes, but I do feel they are beneficial to me so that I can accept that I’m slowly growing closer to the end.

  14. Hair changing is something I can relate to. Yes I’ve mourned the loss of abundance there, and caught myself worrying about the genealogy of my parents thinning locks. I also admire the ladies that don’t dye their hair, much more common in Denmark than Australia, it has helped me to accept who I am now and what is yet to come. Reflex Reactions

    • Dear Ida;
      Thinning hair can also bring about a new hair style, new nutrition, new awarenesses. it can help keep us conscious as we change.
      Thank you,
      Susan

  15. Think about the musical Hair, too and how powerful a symbol that was for the young, rebellious and a personal statement

    • Dear Beth;
      Our hair remains a personal statement, also as we age and remain cognizant of how our hairstyle reflects our selves.
      Thank you,
      Susan

  16. As a hairdresser I am usually too involved in the letting down of other’s hair to pay much attention to my own; perhaps I’ll take a look later today…

    R.

    • Dear Robert;
      Hairdressers symbolically help arrange the mind and as such are incredibly important and powerful. You might also see your own power or we could say influence…
      Thank you,
      Susan in Arizona

  17. Quite a chilling opening paragraph. A couple of years ago a hairdresser said I was going to go bald in around 4 years. May be why I’m growing my hair so long lol.

  18. The older I become, the more I enjoy my hair and revel in it. There is no way I would exchange wearing my cornrows or my braids.

    Shalom,
    Patricia

  20. The change in hair is another part of adapting to age. Like most people I’ve experienced a few “bad hair days” in my lifetime, and age puts them now into perspective 🙂

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