I – IMAGE

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     Once we give up searching for approval we often find it easier to  

earn respect

     Gloria Steinem

 Aging and life itself require attention and the flow directed inwards. The interior life, the value of the inside of being, the ability to muster reflection upon what has happened and is happening. The intellect, intensity and the use of our initiative to be inventive, intense, intriguing and intuitive. These are all parts of creativity and valuable parts of being a woman. There are many ways we can make sense of what has been and prepare for what will be. Yet, we might not take advantage of them, or tailor them to what fits or slough them off as too complicated, too simple, too much trouble or difficult. We excuse ourselves with doing rather than being and the outer world supports this. We need now to amass the courage to confront the images, illusions, delusions and the issues of being through the stages of aging.

 The issues of aging impress themselves upon us. They press us with inner movement to gain attention. The energy for this arises from the unconscious spaces. We are charged to make sense of it, even ethically and morally to honor the interior, the introvert, the private self and in this way, to make statements about our individuality, specialness, unique being from the inside out.

 Can you imagine being 20 and looking in the mirror to see yourself at 60? It is an experience of life smashing into an image you cannot really hold. You cannot imagine how you will look or how you will feel. To yourself and to others. You cannot know what will evolve through all those years, nor that the image of yourself will undergo many iterations. We image ourselves as we are and how we want to be but what actually happens, we cannot do it.

 The following is a story of image a friend recounted. She was at a fair and an artist said she would draw her picture for free if she could use the image to sell her work. The woman agreed. Several weeks later in the post came a package. In it was a note of something to the effect that this was a likeness, not an exact image. The likeness had aged my friend many years into the eighties. Astonishment, dismay, unlovely and then the contemplation of what if this was a true image. Why is it not considered beautiful? What is wrong with the wrinkles writing their years on her face. What if this was the truth and why not?

 We live insular lives, even more now with the fantasy of global connectedness through social media and computers. The reality is also that we are ensconced in our separate worlds, divided, unapproachable and hardly intimate. The sorrow is that Western cultures tend to denigrate age. It becomes reduced to being fear driven through attitudes of indifference and ignorance about appreciating the full life cycle.

 We are charged to create more complete images of aging.

Is the image of yourself now as you imagined it would be?

31 Comments on I – Image

  1. Not thrilled at all with the aging thing. Not ready to be old and dismissed. You’re right we don’t appreciate our elders. When I see the horrific ways some of the aging stars have gone through to stop aging, I’m a lot less unhappy!

    • Thank you for your comment Yolanda.
      Nothing stops aging; it is and it happens. Even the young are in the process of aging. What we individually do with it, consciously, is what matters. It is part of the process one for which we are not so well prepared.

  3. Susans — Gloria Steinem’s quote says it all. At 72, I AM kind of what what I imagined, spiritually, at least. I find that when I image myself, my lifestyle a certain way, it happens; that image must be accompanied by a true and intense passion. It may take a while, though.

    • Noticing the girls growing is an extraordinary something! I can barely believe I have two grown sons. Focusing on the inner is great and the best way to continue being creative.
      I so appreciate your stopping by thank you. I’ve got a lot to catch up with since my return and will check your posts out asap!

  7. The image in the mirror still holds, but I see minor changes, some days more pronounced than others. But I know one day the image will be a different me on the outside than on the inside. I hope to accept it and embrace it, and of course to be given the chance to see it. Such a great post, Susan. Thank you!

    • Dear Silvia;
      The inside and outside can be disparate but still remain in connection with each other–and that is what counts…
      Thank you,
      Susan

  8. The years have a tendency to creep up on one until, one day, you look at a photograph taken of you the day before and have trouble recognizing yourself. The mirror lies. The heavily veined hands are not yours. No sense in denying it. Yes, they are.
    Now, in my high 80’s, I have accepted how I look, how I feel, and am content to just “be.” I no longer have anything to prove. My friends, who range from my age to their early twenties, accept me for who I am and we can laugh and cry and carry on. I still work editing or helping people with their writing,and that is most satisfactory. My wish is that, after I make that transition into another dimension, there will be something useful to do and new knowledge to acquire. So, onward and upward!

      • Patricia, thank you for your perspicacious comment. It is inspiring indeed. I popped over to your blog and left a comment. It was a lovely read though sad. The image of your friend Eve will remain.

      • Thank you for commenting. I think women need to help one another face the aging process. After all, we’re all in this together on this planet.

        • Thank you Patricia. This is one of the main reasons that Susan Schwartz in Phoenix, and I in Johannesburg South Africa, are writing about this. Our book ‘Aging & Becoming’ is a work in progress.

  9. Boy, I definitely agree with Pat’s and Robert’s comments. The world no longer treats older citizens as valuable… as if they could provide us with a lesson. We are discounted and made fun of by younger people. It is sad to feel like one has lost respect.

    However, at the same time, as you say, I can’t imagine myself when I am older. My mind still wants to see me as the younger person I was. In a way, I think by using the hair dyes, and having face lifts, etc. we too are not respecting ourselves… we are avoiding reality.

    Thank you as always for your thought-provoking post. I do enjoy them.

    • Gwynn, thank you for your comment. The inner image is what matters – yes, the outer image as well ie what you project from your inner self. Maybe the important thing is not to take the outside influences personally – they are what they are and need not affect you on a personal level?

  10. Hi,
    I so agree with those last words on this article. “The sorrow is that Western cultures tend to denigrate age. It becomes reduced to being fear driven through attitudes of indifference and ignorance about appreciating the full life cycle.
    We are charged to create more complete images of aging.”
    It takes a woman with a healthy mind set, confident within herself to not succumb to the fear images about aging. At the moment, I am reading several books. One of them is Women Who Run With the Wolves, by Clarissa Pinkola Estes and it touches upon some of the images that produced fear in women and cause us to lose sight of who we really are.

    Very interesting article and I enjoyed reading it.

    Shalom,
    Patricia

  11. You know, images change from day to day, depending on how I feel. Sometimes, I look in the mirror and think Oh Dear and sometimes I say Hot Damn. And I think the main difference is what’s going on inside me. Yesterday someone mistook me (from the back) for someone my daughter’s age. Sweet, I thought, so obviously there’s a piece of me that cares and is flattered by looking younger.

    • Dear Beth;
      The joy of looking in the mirror can be there no matter the age as the mirror can also reflect inside and outside development.
      Thank you,
      Susan

  12. Last Monday during a visit with my eighty-six year old mom and my ninety-two year old dad my mother said, “I never thought we would live this long.” In other conversation my father declared that he had not changed much in appearance, though I had changed most. As I mentioned in an earlier post I am so involved with the images of others i find little time to view my own reflection. Work keeps me busy, three years in a row my birthday came and went, a week later I realized. Being in the hairdressing industry, for many years I colored my hair keeping it the lustrous golden brunette that it was when I was twenty-four. No, I never imagined myself with a long silver beard. While aging, changing physically, it is within I desire to change most, to form and increase, understanding, compassion and love.

    Thank you for your thoughtful and generous thought provoking words.

    R.

  13. Touch wood, I have great genes, my mum look fab at 89 and I’m actually looking better in my forties than my thirties because my health has improved, (I have an auto immune problem) along with it my skin and hair…can’t say I’m too bother what anyone think about me, thank God!
    Thoughtful post and strange painting the artist did…how very interesting!
    Loving the A to Z Challenge Maggie@expatbrazil.

  14. Thank you for this post Susan. I would never imagined myself being the age I am and with 2 grown sons. It is a miracle in its way. I am more than ever aware of the passing of time and becoming older; and society’s view towards this.

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