Conception, perception, deception –
We were down in Southbroom a town on the Kwa Zulu Natal South coast at the end of last month as guests of our friend Rory. The last time I was there was in late April 1987 when the men had a golf challenge among them. The memory then of standing in the garden looking out to the sea and knowing that my child to be was conceived the previous night is a memory that will always stay with me. David my younger son was born the following year in February1988 (two weeks late if anyone is doing any math).
When we were down at the end September, I said to Rory and reminded my husband that Davey was conceived here. Recently, Rory sent me a photo of the house as it was then (31 odd years ago) and pointed out that conception occurred in the bottom right hand room – the photo in the middle.So, I was pretty chuffed and emailed Rory to say so. It’s lovely to have this on record as it were. It’s also a reminder of my memory being a record of sorts of the following morning following conception looking out to the sea and already feeling the quickening – knowing that I was pregnant –
It was a very unusual feeling to be so certain of something, a feeling I am not familiar with, ie a feeling of certainty. Some things yes – the sun rises and sets, the moon is always there, the tides roll in and recede, the seasons change, the stars even if not visible are always there in all their glory, we sleep we wake we go on about our day –
Bombs fall drought famine fires hurricanes the sands always shifting as people escape their place of origin. Rape, corruption, lies, blame, denial, obfuscation, destruction, we sleep we wake we go on about our day –
A few mornings ago I took this photo of the jacarandas from my study. I felt a quickening of a different sort – a sort of stillness, paradoxical though this is –
My son returned to South Africa last Wednesday after being away in Europe for 3 months with his wife Jüte who flew straight back down to Cape Town while David stayed for several days with us. He flew back to Cape Town last night. He and his father went for a swim last Friday late afternoon. David took this photo when walking back to the townhouse. The moon will be full on Tuesday or Wednesday …
I took a few today of different trees just outside our townhouse – the colour is always different.
Does my perception of the world change a little when I see beauty and colour and growth and the different shades of light at different times? Yes, it does. It reminds me that the light changes and has an effect on things. When a storm brews and all goes dark and there’s grumbling thunder that matches my mood. Though the light-ning can be scary.
Here in South Africa much is happening. A very brave young woman is giving testimony about her being groomed by a pastor in her church and the sexual abuse she has suffered. Thankfully she is being supported by everyone including the ANC Women’s League and the ANC Youth League. His church has been shut down. He’ll be facing the music this coming week. Those involved in state capture (R100 bn at last count) are being brought to account. Justice is being served. The deception has lasted too long.
So, I sleep and wake and go about my day – I hear and read about protests often violent, strikes, train & bus crashes, trains deliberately set alight, shacks being burned, rising fuel prices, a barely moving economy. I find myself sitting in the opposites of the chaos of the world and my world and the beauty of the natural world. The tension is unbearable. I sometimes write down precipitations, a form of prayer, a conception, an intercession, and then leave it to go where it will into the atmosphere – and I find stillness if even for a moment …
Creation and destruction, deception and denial, the search for truth has been around forever. I grieve for the family and fiancé of Kamal Khoshoggi and with all who find the circumstances of his death so abhorrent.
And I always ponder on the male and female energies and the need for them to merge, with inception, conception and intention –
Thank you for reading. May you always find your stillness in the midst of it all. And thanks to Jan who provided the above image the day after our reading group last Monday evening …