‘I am not an optimist. I am a prisoner of hope’.

Words said by our (ex) Reverend Archbishop Desmond Tutu –

quoted by a journalist in a recent Daily Maverick opinion piece.

stone_

All of this and that and everything feels extreme. I’ve been thinking about writing a blog post on e.g. ‘Clash of Civilisations’ or ‘On the Edge’ or some such, because it does feel to me that the container is no longer there, no firm support to catch our falling star – no container anymore  – somehow, the centre seems not to be holding. And it is anxious making as everything seems to be extra hyped up. And destruction is the name of the game. Here in South Africa, universities are being torched and set alight, buses too, police vehicles turned over and torched, tear gas, bullets, 1000’s of students country-wide protesting about the #feesmustfall campaign and disallowing student attendance and in last few hours a new campaign ‘thefuturemustfall’. In the midst of this, our Minister of Finance who has kept us so far from being downgraded to junk status, has to appear early next month in court on charges. This is trumped up – and a political nasty –

Is this level of destruction part of a necessary process? This is what makes me ponder – and reminds me of a question I asked a Jungian analyst a long time ago – do we have to put our hand in the frying pan to know we will be burned? To which he said Yes.

But also, on an inner level – Joseph Rubin’s death this last Monday, a sudden shock to me – and his daughter Marilyn letting me know by email yesterday and my putting up a post on his death and so many of you responding to her and for all of us who are saddened.

And more on an inner level – my dear friend Lyndy, my oldest friend (though she’s a year younger than I), who I saw in hospital before I left to go away at the end of September. So lovely to see her then – her son had come from the US to be with his Mum. I tried from yesterday to contact her, the morning after the previous night’s flight … to see her, to say I’m back, at your command .. I was getting fairly anxious about no response from her. Until today when her son Richard called me. I was amazed. I thought he was back in the US. He got here last Sunday. He’s now back for the long haul – She has carcinomas which have returned. She is gravely ill …  I will have to digest this and acknowledge this, her illness … he has asked me to be strong when I see her – I feel wretched –

And my Jane my housekeeper – in tears midday because one of the gardeners had screamed and shouted and ranted at her. We talked when she was more composed and ready to talk. And then later she said she and one of the other gardeners had had a talk about the ranting gardener, and that there was consensus that he was not well, he looked not well also, and to encourage him to have an Aids test – which, if he has it, may be part cause of his unwarranted, uncharacteristic outburst.

My husband was returning last night from an Old Boys dinner downtown at a swish restaurant, stopped at a red traffic light, his friend was driving, and 5 men jumped out of the shadows and they thought they were window washers – they weren’t – they were attackers, who tried to smash the windows – a man pointed a gun at my husband’s friend the driver, and another man at my husband in the passenger seat –

they shot the lights knocking aside one or two

Everything feels on tenterhooks – is there reason to think about WW3 being unleashed? Am I being overly morbid? In a way I see what is happening all over the world as the manifestation of that which has been repressed for a long time, bubbling up to the fore. We see mysogyny upfront, the destruction by weapons on people and places, corruption in high places, political battles for the highest stakes and to Hell with the consequences, the rise of extreme rightwing parties – i.e. nationalism, the desecration of Mother Nature, all of this is upfront, we cannot fail to see it. …

Is anarchy being loosed upon the world? Are we slouching towards Bethlehem?

Desmond Tutu’s words again:

I am not an optimist. I am a prisoner of hope.

The picture at the top – I found this when I was in Botswana in April this year. I wanted to lay it on my brother’s burial place in Maun in his garden. But I couldn’t find it at the time I was at his family home. I placed a flower instead. But I did find it at a later stage – it was so beautiful and really quite extraordinary to the touch. Velvety .. 

This is the underside of it –

underside_-of-stone

I took it with me on my travels thinking maybe to put it into the sea at the end of the jetty in Gordon’s Bay where we used to live as teenagers for a while. Where my sister and I tossed our parents’ ashes so many years ago on 2 different occasions. This past Monday, the day of my return ex Cape Town where I was for few days, we motored out to Gordon’s Bay, a good 3/4 hour from where my sister lives. We walked the jetty to the end and said our greetings to our parents and wished them well, and said a prayer and I threw this little stone onto the rocks in the sea .. it was about as big or small as when you make a circle with your thumb and forefinger …

The photo below is of my sister ahead of me. You can see the end of the jetty –  jetty_-g-bayThank you for listening – may peace prevail wherever we are –

42 Comments on this and that and everything –

  1. This is one hard world, isn’t it? So much sorrow. The world around me is tame compared to yours–so far. I’m saddened that your friend is having a hard time, but glad you made it home to see her again. It’s terrifying to think of meeting violent armed gunmen on the way home. And wild destruction as the only political power that appeals to the young ones who must feel so unseen. I agree with your idea that there is no container. Nothing protects the psychological borders.

    I led a bereavement group this morning. So much personal sorrow, so much grief rising from just under the surface. Personal grief and shared grief about the human condition and the mess of our world. I read the news and tremble. The US media reports little about what is happening in other nations like South Africa. We’re too fascinated with our present manifestation of the patriarchal shadow to think about anything beyond ourselves. I have to remind myself that it was just this hard in the 1960s, but I hoped things would change then. So, I end with Bob Dylan’s words, “But I was so much older then, I’m younger than that now.”

    • Thanks Elaine for your concern – I’m waiting for the call to visit her. She phoned me on Friday morning, her son was packing her things and she returned home from hospital on Friday. I’d hoped it would be this weekend but I must wait until she is ready for visitors.

      South Africans are by and large politically aware and fairly astute – not counting the illiterates of whom sadly there are millions still living in poverty – and we’re extremely concerned at the levels of violence in the protests at universities and the stated objective to decolonise places of learning by any means to obtain their objective.

      Re the US: as some commentators are saying it is as well that all the misogyny is coming to the fore. We have it too, in our very own Pres and the cabal that surrounds him. Much is coming to the fore that was hidden. I guess grief also takes it own time to bubble up from underground.

  2. I’m very sorry to hear about all the terrible things going on around you. (I was particularly shocked by the incident involving your husband. That must have been terrifying.) It does sometimes seem that the whole world is slipping into chaos. I can only hope it’s not true.

    • Thank you Bun. Interestingly enough, another who had been to the Old Boys dinner, came to those same traffic lights some minutes later and was approached by 5 men wielding guns. Presumably the same five. He shot the lights – as in drove through the red light – and got away. The driver, when my husband was passenger, reported the incident to the police. My husband’s fine I reckon. Have a great weekend.

  3. Your thoughts ring true, even if I preferred that they did not. The quote I keep returning to is from Pope Paul VI: “If you want peace, work for justice.” I focus on this every day as a way to keep the world from overwhelming me with negativity. But there are those days…

    • That is a lovely saying of Pope Paul V1 Ally thank you .. ‘If you want peace, work for justice’. I can see/feel how it helps me personally already. Thank you for coming by – 🙂

  4. Hi Susan – oh gosh … I must get hold of my friend and make sure she’s ok … as I haven’t heard since she returned. So many with troubles – life is just plain challenging and difficult to know in what direction life is taking … I do feel for you with your best friend and her family, your home staff … they must be happy they have you to talk to you and air their thoughts … then your husband – thank goodness they weren’t hurt – but how horrendous. I haven’t experienced it myself, but had friends and ‘family’ who have some horrific experiences …

    I do feel … my own life is in turmoil at the moment – but not for those reasons … just life – with many thoughts and hugs … your concerns are important and relevant and it’s good to express them here … I appreciate your thoughts … one doesn’t know what to do, or how to react and what can we do – except be the best we can for all peoples … Hilary

    • Hi Hilary and thank you for coming by. Yes life is very difficult right now – very much so on the outer level as well .. feels like the micro is a reflection of the macro or the other way round …

      I’m sorry you’re feeling turmoil Hilary … as my friend Susan said in response earlier on to this post, to feel/acknowledge those feelings, words to that effect – I’m glad it seems to be not so much with your health but other ‘stuff’ including no doubt Brexit and the current politics ..

      I heard from her son today – Lyndy will be home from the hospital tomorrow, albeit on crutches. I so hope to see her soon though I must wait for a signal from Richard her son..

      Our responses require more thought than reaction is my feeling about all these things …

      All best to you Hilary. I’m sure you’ve posted beautiful things on your blog. I really hope to get around to them soon – Susan

  5. Thanks for sharing a harsh reminder of our fragile existence, brought close when people dear to us fall ill or die and our relationship continues in memory only. We need stability and change, but too much change wrecks our hearts.

    Little news here on riots in SA – about free University, and more I guess. Too much happening at once in the world, tragedies, political clowns, and, what a circus, the UK has a Marmite crisis because of the Brexit induced low £ The only heartening news is that Bob Dylan won the Nobel Prize for Literature.

    Wishing you moments of peace within to keep your balance during the turmoil around you.

    • Thanks Ashen! I don’t know if I should be thanked! Thanks for letting me know about Marmite in your neck of the woods :), I didn’t know about Bob Dylan’s Nobel Prize for Literature – that is lovely news …

      Yep the world is strange … I put a lovely interview just now on FB – with Karen Armstrong on The 2nd Axial Age. It’s lengthy but concise, depth-ful and insightful. You would appreciate it – the roots of it all – how we find ourselves today – and much more
      https://shar.es/1EcEU0

  6. Hi Susan,

    I don’t think I am a prisoner of hope because I believe what we need most is too free ourselves from hoping and move into action. It seems as if people all around the world have forgotten what it means to respect and cherish the respect of others. Over love for our neighbour has grown cold and it shows itself in our disrespect of the sanctity of life.

    I sincerely hope your friend Lyndy overcomes and conquers her sickness. You are going through something that will demand inner strength. Sometimes it is the faith of a dear friend that helps a person to overcome their sickness.

    All the best my friend.
    Shalom aleichem,
    Patricia

    • Thank you Patricia – an extremely important reminder to perhaps not ‘rely’ on hope overly – it may be a bit one-sided and stuck if there is no accompanying action – we have to do the inner work required of us as a start …

      Thank you re: Lyndy. Just this morning I was wondering about a miracle – whether it is possible re her – and of course all miracles are possible, by definition. I have yet to see her, hopefully this weekend. Her son knows to call me the moment she can see anyone – she will probably be home from tomorrow … who knows what is in store? She is aware of the severity of her illness, she is a medical specialist.

      Thank you Patricia, Shalom to you. Susan

  7. Thought-provoking post, Susan. One reason to deepen our spiritual life is because our planet just might be going to hell in a hand basket. Shared!!! Much love, Mira

  8. The world does indeed seem pretty crazy right now. A large part of it’s because there are a lot of agitating forces at work, who are more interested in stirring things up than finding solutions, which is what we get when several generations have gone by without strong leaders emerging as they have in the past (such as Bishop Desmond Tutu).

    • Thanks Tony for coming by! On our side, I’d include Mr. Nelson Mandela our first democratically elected president in 1994. MLK would be another … but I am hopeful that ‘gold’ will emerge from this all –

  9. Wow! The whole world is facing tension and turmoil. I think we have some dire circumstances ahead of us here in the United States. The country is divided to the extreme.

    Arlee Bird
    Tossing It Out

    • Thanks Arlee for coming by – it certainly seems like it’s everywhere. Good luck with the upcoming elections – of great interest to many of us here in SA; no doubt everywhere!

  10. Oh Susan, what terrible events surrounding you. I’m terribly sorry to hear about your dear friend’s illness. Also, you didn’t say, is your husband and his friend, the driver of the car, OK? What horrific events! My heart goes out to you and your family and friends. Big Hugs!

    • Thanks dear Gwynn – yes, terribly worrying about my friend Lyndy. I hope to see her soon. Neil and friend are ok – and for you Gwynn hugs and strength with all that is on your doorstep.

      • Thanks for the Hugs, Susan. Life here keeps becoming more and more challenging. I was hoping that he would get better. I so wish you and the other ladies lived closer. I could use with a group hug, or at least some time with friends while we shared coffee/tea, and had a fun discussion. My Dr. wants me to work at meditating… so I’m trying. Wish me luck!

        Oh, I nearly forgot. In numerology, 2016 is a 9 year. I wonder what all will come to an end? It seems to have been a rough year for most of my friends. I’m sending prayers for your friend. I lost my dear friend to cancer about six years ago. Now her younger sister and I have connected and it is a wonderful connection too! Take care!

        • Meditating takes practice Gwynn! Give it your best shot. It can be calming and peaceful making …

          I remember about you and your best friend’s younger sister connecting! This is very special!

          I would love a group hug and tea coffee choc chip cookies, baked by you … 🙂

  11. Oh my gosh, Susan. I’m sorry. The world does seem crazy, and there seems to be such a rise in hate, but on top of that to have your best friend gravely ill, your husband attacked, and your poor gardener perhaps ill with AIDS. I hope you can find a bit of peace somehow. At least you do have your husband and family.

    A prisoner of hope is a good way of thinking. Thank you for that.
    Sending out hope to you–and the world!

    • Thanks Merril – peace now as I look out from my study to my garden. The jacarandas are in full bloom, my amaryllis is gorgeous, the roses are gorgeous, my two sons phoned last night sad to hear about Lyndy … and my husband seems to be ok … 🙂

      So, hope on the breeze –

  12. My dear Susan, I am so sad and sorry for the events that are occurring around you and your loved ones. I pray for Lyndy and all who love her. We are still without news of the world’s tragedies and perhaps that is a good thing. I’m glad your husband and his friend are safe. Hope is important to have now. Peace and love be with you and yours, always.

    • Thank you dear Marsha. Somehow I will let Lyndy know that she is in your thoughts and prayers when I see her. Peace and love to you Marsha, now and always. Hope the return to your home goes well and that electricity gets up and running ..

  14. I am so very sorry that your friend is sinking and that you have been asked to appear strong. I will pray for you both. How frightening to be accosted in a car with no warning! These are certainly unsettling times.

  15. Eissh my Sis! You have put into words what my heart feels about this world and the country we live in. And I haven’t been able to express it. I am so sorry about Jane and Neil andLyndy Please give all three of them a big hug from me. It all seems to be getting closer and closer…… the grand finale.

    • Thanks Sis I will give hugs from you – be ever hopeful somehow. Btw did photo of you and Gordon’s Bay appear upside down on the post? Sometimes they do on my phone not on my laptop

  16. The last picture came out upside down on the blog I got on the email. Maybe like all you mentioned is upside down. Sorrows about Lyndy. Sorrows about Neil’s scare and fright. Sorrows for your beautiful country with chants that want to destroy the future. Jane who does not cry like that usually. Remain with feeling for it all…

    • Thank you Susan. I must stay with it somehow – Did you read post on your phone? Sometimes pictures are upside down on my blog on my phone not on the lap top – a strange something –

    • Sorry to hear Jacqui. It’s all alarming but a reminder perhaps to be still amongst it all? I don’t know – just wondering out loud –

Comments are closed.