change

C : CHANGE –

It’s an evocative word – and such a complex concept.

I thought of writing about creativity, complexes, conflict, consciousness, complacency, choice –

But, I find myself writing about change – even if it wasn’t on my ‘list’ of ‘c’s’.

On the personal front, a big change looms. Changing homes – from a large, comfortable (old), double storey home on an acre of ground where we have lived for the last 25 years and has been our home in which our now adult sons, grew up.

It is a lovely old home, the garden is beautiful, the pool wonderful in summer, the old oak tree outside our front door is magnificent and always an object of awe and admiration when people come to visit. My Zen garden underneath its huge branches is pleasing and calming – all green. There are stones, large and small interspersed with the green. A birdbath is under its branches.

Our ‘entertaining area’ is a large covered verandah overlooking the garden, comfortably furnished, lovely in all seasons. We sometimes have people here for brunch, lunch, or a lunchtime braai (barbecue). All enjoy themselves as do the hosts – myself and husband.

If I contemplate the changes, I get a funny feeling in my stomach. I don’t really want to consider the complexity of this – it is too big a change.

Will it all run smoothly, this move from our home to our new home? The new home is not entirely new – my husband’s late father had lived in the townhouse for many, many years and, on his death we rented it out, which is how it has been for these last several years.

About 2 years ago, we bashed the townhouse down and re-created it to our specifications as it was our aim at some stage to sell our home and move into the townhouse – downsize. Live simpler, use less, streamline, less expense.

The physical changes of the townhouse were drastic and lovely and we looked forward to moving into the townhouse as soon as we sold our home.

But, we realised that the chances of selling our home in this economic climate here in South Africa were slim. The property market has been flatter than a pancake in the last several years. Plus, our present house is really old and does not have the requisite 4 bedrooms en suite etc or have marble this and gilt that.  So, we let out our newly furbished beautiful townhouse to a corporate client on contract from the UK to one of our mining houses.

But, early this month we sold our home. And fortuitously, the corporate client leaves at the end of April.

So, the town house will be ours to move into by the end of next month – to move in slowly I hope, over a few months, hoping that the final transfer of our home to the buyers takes quite bit of time.

Much of our furniture to be sold, much else to be donated.  Moving into a smaller home, less responsibility. A new life, but a death in some way as well.

I don’t know what the change will bring – it will be huge I know. Moving out of my comfort zone, adjusting, adapting. Being challenged on every front. A funny feeling in my tummy.

From where I write, in my study, this is my view onto a part of my garden – soon, no longer visible to me.view from my study Oct 2012

19 Comments on Change

  1. Susan what a beautiful post. Please be sure to take many pictures of your lovely home and its gardens before you move. I hope that you can recreate some of the same atmosphere in and around your townhouse.

    Val

    • thank you so much Val! I have a few photos, not too many! And now it is wintry cold here in South Africa but while the sun is shining (at least!) I will do just that – get snapping! Also of the old oak tree with its Zen garden underneath …
      The new garden will be a challenge – thanks for mentioning that!

  2. Thank you for visiting my blog. 🙂 What a great picture, that must be so relaxing to look out at and see. Changes can be hard but sometimes well worth it.

    • Thank you Mary – yes, whoever said that life was meant to be easy! Even as I look out now from my study, the colour has gone and all is green, as the season has changed from summer to autumn. Soon, the green will not be so apparent as winter bites. Change change change.

  3. I’m a very routine oriented person so I know change or something different is scary. I’ve had that indescribable feeling in my stomach before. I must say, though, there’s something exciting about moving into a new home. It can be a nice way to get a fresh start. It’s fine to have memories but it sounds like the wheels are motion, don’t look back. I’ll bet it will be great.

  4. I feel your anxiety over going to the new and your sadness for leaving the old. While I certainly understand your referring to it as a type of death, please remember that a little acorn had to whither and die in soil years ago to create your beautiful oak tree. May this change create a beautiful new life for you to enjoy, perhaps with more freedom without all the responsibilities a large yard and all that comes with it requires. – Barbara
    Life & Faith in Caneyhead

    • Barbara, your message is so wonderful thank you very much!

      I do think of less responsibility, less use and so on but I am not sure that I thought in terms of ‘freedom’! That thought MAY have come to me – in time – but your saying it now is inspiring indeed, thank you!

  5. Thanks Misha! Yes I know you are South African … I checked you out! In Stellenbosch! In one of the most lovely paces in the world!

    Thank you for your comment – and that you emphasise ‘wonderful opportunities’ and think I will do fine! That’s so encouraging!

  6. Oh wow! I’m South African too! ^_^

    You know, changes are really hard, but they can bring wonderful opportunities you’d have missed otherwise.

    Stay strong. I know you’ll be fine.

  7. Thank you dear Gwynn – yes one never knows what the future will bring even if one has to leave in less fortunate circumstances as you did. But hooray! and how wonderful that for you it was a change for the best!

    And thank you for your belief and confidence in me that I will get through this!

  8. Susan what a poignant story and I can so relate. We had to sell our home as we were losing too much money because of the changes in the housing market so we are now renting. However, as painful as the move was for me, I’m actually happier. My neighbors are beyond delightful, the community is far more supportive and friendly, and my view is peaceful.

    When you say the word, “change” you have to drag me screaming and yelling through the change, but invariably it is for the better… it is hard to “let go.” Oh, do I EVER know. You will come through this change with flying colors as you have stated it so beautifully.

  9. My Dear Susan,

    Change hurts and even though we know that nothing remains the same in life, when it comes we hurt, or at least I do, just as you do. So, I understand so very well what you mean. Sometimes I wish I could catch an hour of happiness in a bottle and put a lid over it and just live that hour, but I cannot because life is not like that.

    If we want to continue growing and then we have to learn to say goodbye to the old so that we can welcome in the new.

    I love your C Post. It is wonderful and I needed this one today.

    Love you.
    Shalom,
    Patricia

    • Thank you so much Patricia – you put it so well and realistically – ‘say goodbye to the old so that we welcome in the new’ – I will keep that thought uppermost. I am smiling thank you! Even when and if it hurts I will keep this thought in mind.

  10. Oy, nostalgia! I like that .. may I never lose my nostalgia! (funny word now that I say it in my mind)…
    But thank you Damyanti for your comment!

  11. Oh, Susan – that’s one gorgeous garden! All the best in transitioning from your current place to your new home. I’m sure you will make great memories wherever you go.

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