A – ATTITUDE

Virginia Woolf: I thought how unpleasant it is to be locked out; and I thought how it is worse, perhaps, to be locked in.Becoming

                    Aging is something we do every day. It is necessary to life and something we cannot avoid.

Yet, when we get older, whatever that means, we begin to feel worse and worse. We get less notice, less attention and less of anything. Shame, upset, ignored, and this is insulting. Yet all these words describe the attitudes towards aging that we all hold individually and culturally. In fact, too few cultures revere the aged.

Have you ever had the experience of walking through an airport and all eyes were on the woman ahead? She was younger, not young, but younger. All eyes on her. It is an awful feeling, a sense of non-being that slams into awareness. It seems that the older we become the more this occurs.

Why? This is what we want to explore as we look into the attitudes on aging. We want to heighten awareness. Aging happens to us all. The question is not when, as it is there daily, but how we will cope and use age to encourage and develop. We are not only on a descent but on an ascent into a more complete rounding out of our personality.

After all, if not now when?

We ask what attitudes do we carry that want to deny, dishonor, disrespect. We want, in general, to make aging an advantage rather than a disadvantage. The wisdom of age, the experience, the ability to love and learn are all aspects we cannot forget.

In these writings we will bring forth the areas of aging that assist and those that do not. During this A to Z challenge we explore aging from all perspectives. This is a challenge of awareness, keeping conscious, and bringing forth our attitudes to aging that assist and enable.

We are reminded of Virginia Woolf’s saying: ‘Nothing is real until it is written’. We have given aging form and substance from our different perspectives. We’ve picked it apart and put it back together again and we’re putting it ‘out there’.

We’re aware more than ever of the inexorable passage of time, always in motion, the movement of it measured in part by the moon and the seasons. We face changing circumstances, whether through illness or death, accidents, unplanned for and unexpected events that come out of left field. We wonder whether it is because we fall well within the radar of aging that we realise people of all ages think about aging.

More than ever, we wonder how many years we have left on this earth to experience it. We wonder how to best shape these experiences and put things into place so that we do what we actually wish to do. Or feel or think we want to do. Or that we need to do – for psychological health and inner and outer well being.

The big responsibility is aging gracefully, fully, knowingly, consciously and using this as a time of personality expansion. Aging means being more, not only less; able, not just disabled; complete rather than not.

                     Do you ever wonder where your attitudes about aging came from?

66 Comments on A – Attitude

  1. Thank you Shahira for your comment -I appreciate it. I wish your mother well in her transition – it can be a difficult stage.

  2. I was reading this post and thinking about my mother. There are so many changes in her life as she is growing older and I have most often failed to see the adversities and differences she is facing on a daily basis.
    Thank you for a different perspective on a talked never talked about.

  3. My attitudes about aging (which my first A to Z is about) is from myself and embracing that which should not be seen as a curse, or something to sadden a person, but embraced. Most opinions on aging and getting older are from society, and the media. But then hasn’t mankind always had issue with age, seeking out the fountain of youth to live young, vital and forever, forgetting all the blessings that age brings with it. Brilliant post.

    • Thank you Bridgina, you’ve hit the nail on the head with that lovely word ’embrace’ with regard to aging for all the blessings it can bring! I am popping over to yours now which I read earlier on my ipad but want to use lap top to make my comment. Yours was so refreshing!

  4. Oh my! 56 comments already! I liked your quote from Virginia Woolf: ‘Nothing is real until it is written’. I think our society is afraid of death and aging, hence that kind of response… but age has its own wisdom.

    • Hi Courtney, just found your response now in ‘other’ folder hence late reply. Thank you!. Beautifully put -‘Age has its own wisdom’.

  5. When I was very, very young my first memory of nightmares regarded seeing myself as old and wrinkled. It terrified me, and those dreams haunted me. I’ve never been able to figure out the meaning, if there was one.
    Although, today, I can understand the fear! My birthday is this week and I am now one of those in a crowd that has disappeared from view – I only hope that anonymity gives me more freedom and not less! Looking forward and not back!

    • Yolande, I doubt you will disappear from view! Be present to yourself, this is what matters. What you say about anonymity giving you more freedom resonates with Lesley’s comment in this thread …
      Your dream/nightmare is interesting .. and interesting also that you are reminded of it.
      Best birthday wishes to you this week – and may it be a wonderful year for you.
      Thank you so much for commenting.

  6. Interesting topic. This is one that I’ve been thinking a lot about recently. It’s a disgrace that our society often overlooks, even neglects the aged. So much value is placed on youth and beauty. Where is the reverence for age and wisdom? I often find myself watching the elderly with silent admiration as I imagine the hardship they have most likely endured. This is probably due to the stories my great-grandfather would tell when I was little (traveling in a covered wagon, living off the land, etc.). The younger generations (mine included, though I’m not young) haven’t experienced a tenth of the hardship of the elderly. So much insight can be gained by listening to the voice of experience. Excellent post.

    • Thank you so much Melissa! How blessed you were (and are) to have heard grandparents’ tales – and how well you say about seeing the faces of the elderly and going into imagination and admiration mode. So much we can learn from them – and of course our own and ‘won’ experience.

  7. Beautiful post, Susan. I’m sure you know the Proverb, “Grey hair is a crown of glory; gained by living a Godly life.” I’m still young but I know that time and experience bring amazing blessings and gifts to those who seek the Lord. I wish I would have respected my elders more when I was a kid. Deciphering the meaning behind their Charlie Brown honking could have saved me some trouble. Thanks for a great post. 🙂

    • Thank you so much Robert. I am having to retype a response to you as I note it didn’t come up on my blog.
      I too was dismissive of elders as a younger person and I’m sorry about that. I guess we all make mistakes but thankfully we can learn from them. I wish you well as you continue to grow in time and experience with the Lord as your centre.

  8. It is a source of inspiration (my ability to be invisible to society). I have made quite a few experiments over time to test the waters, giving me lots of laughter inside. My attitude is just fine as the other day I mentioned to a girlfriend that my knowledge is also a secret, well hidden but accessible when needed! Being overlooked has distinct advantages for me who often likes the idea of viewing as opposed to interacting.
    In one of my experiments I was in a busy shopping mall. I consciously tried to make eye contact but alas I had no success until I captured one very surprised 30 something man and smiled. My experiment showed me that society has become very distant along with the attitude that ‘old’ people are useless.
    I have also tested other cultures and the results were so entirely different that it was I who had to make sure my eyes didn’t meet any strangers 🙂 THAT was fun too.

    • Dear Lesley;
      The eyes are the windows to the soul Maybe we can continue to meet at some level of soul to those who matter. Aging winnows out the extraneous.
      Regards,
      Susan in Arizona

      • Thanks SS – You may laugh but I had to look up the meaning of winnows out the extraneous – and now I will concur 🙂

    • Interesting experiment: I walk up the hill each morning and decided to wave at each car going by for a month to see what happened. I got them trained! Now people wave all the time. (If I ever saw these people out of their cars, I’d have NO idea who they are!!)
      http://bethlapinsatozblog.wordpress.com/

  9. Interesting post. I’ve never thought about where my attitude towards aging comes from. I’m not that old not that young but I’ve already experienced being overlooked because someone younger is around. I feel though that with age hopefully comes wisdom, and I know I look up to those who are older than me because of their experience and knowledge.

    • Isn’t it so true that the older person is overlooked? And sad –
      Thank you Melanie for commenting – I appreciate this and here’s to your wisdom anywhere along the line ..

  11. Forget the looks I’m no longer getting, I just wish I could figure out how to get my feet and knees to work right again! Looking forward to your posts.

    • Dear Kristin;
      The body mind and soul work together and change through life. Hopefully you will get the system for movement in order.
      Regards,
      Susan in Arizona

  12. There are two blogs during this hop, so far, that I will be returning to, and yours is one of them. As far as the term “aging gracefully,” it’s a loaded term. Does it mean I have to dress a certain way and act a certain way, also? I’m not ready for the pasture yet.

    • thank you for your comment Jolie – much appreciated. ‘Aging gracefully’ … grace is a significant word and no, by no means does it mean to dress in a ‘certain’ way unless it is your way … which expresses yourself. And acting too – in whatever way you are expressed is to do so with grace – your own grace, and no-one else’s …
      May you never be put out to pasture –

  13. Thank you for your post. Important reflections… And I would love to share with you and others a beautiful new resource: the book “Women and Middlehood: Halfway Up the Mountain” by Jane Treat and Nancy Geha. These two have gathered stories, anecdotes, and wisdom from a large number of women and have woven it all into a fascinating and thought-provoking read. The website also has some audio stories. Worth checking out. http://middlehood.com/
    Thanks again – Pam (http://www.storycrossings.com/blog/)

  14. Hi,

    Your post on attitude toward aging is very interesting. Sometimes, I believe it is a cultural thing when it comes to aging. Right now, I am reading a book by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D entitled Women Who Run With the Wolves, and I have gained some insight into the my own attitude that has regenerated my own life and my ideas and my attitude on aging.

    I don’t think it is a matter of watching the young woman get the winks or get looked at. We do get older, but why is it that we don’t see it as getting better, becoming more mature and as a woman, more desiring.

    So my attitude toward aging has been pretty happy so far. It could be because I still get a wink or two from the opposite sex and that is always good for my ego, because it makes me feel good.

    But I sincerely and truly believe that my attitude is positive because I see other women differently. This attitude has grown in me over the years and my confidence in who I am has affirmed that I am an attractive person with inner and outer beauty.

    With that I recognize that my attitude about other women began to change and has changed tremendously over the years. I don’t see women, regardless of whether they are young or old, black, white, or brown as competition, but rather they are my fellow travelers on the journey, and I have the opportunity of learning and sharing with them.
    That’s my attitude and I hope I keep it.

    Shalom,
    Patricia

  15. Stopping by on the first day of the #atozchallenge and pleased to find a theme I will enjoy following this month. I have just had another birthday and though thankful, amazed at how important attitude is in growing older, being healed, containing to grow. Hope you make lots of new friends during the challenge. I’ll be back.

  16. Beautifully written, Susan. Attitude is such an important part of life, and I’m guessing more so as the years go by. I suppose it’s human nature to want to be liked, looked at, but that can be true regardless of age and for different reasons. I’m in my early middle years now, and already see many changes, from people’s perceptions to my own little new aches.
    Enjoyed reading your post, as always.

    • Thanks so much Sylvia! Yes perceptions change all the time. Which is how it ‘should’ be I guess. Everything changes!
      Enjoyed your post so much on Romania!

  17. The right attitude certainly counts – though I think a lot of ‘normal’ women will know that feeling of everyone noticing the other woman, at any age… Here’s to an awesome April #atozchallenge

    Reflex Reactions

    • we’re crossing continents at precisely the same moment Ida …
      Here’s to the A-Z and thank you for your comment!

  18. I’ve looked forward to your posts in this challenge. Working in a Nursing home and your words are so relevant and applicable. Look forward to the rest of your words.

  20. A lovely, interesting post which voices what I have been thinking for a while now about being a “woman of a certain age”. It’s a great idea to use this theme. Age happens to all of us yet is often unspoken or worse ignored, shunned in places. I’m looking forward to “B”! 🙂

    • Dear Sharon;
      How awful it is to be shunned. And, how awful if we shun ourselves. Being a person is grappling with the inner conflicts and not ignoring them.
      Regards,
      Susan in Arizona

  21. I don’t know where to begin, there’s so much richness in what you’ve said.
    I don’t know whether the following is appropriate or not, but my message, such as it is, is be yourself, at any age!
    Since I’ve worked with older people for over thirty years as a social worker and community developer, I’ve realized how much I appreciate the individuality of every person, and the need we have to encourage people to be themselves. One of the saddest situations I worked with was someone who had never had the courage to do her own thing, but always abided by what others wanted: mother, husband, children, sisters. In her early nineties, she looked back and opened up her feelings of frustration. I’ve used that many times in my work, in meetings and in writing. It isn’t selfish to be yourself! Don’t wait until it’s too late to enjoy your own interests and ideas.

    • Dear Beatrice;
      In the word selfish is self–so how we nourish our own being affects others and vice verse. Maybe the meaning of that woman was so you passed on her story. We all tend to hang back from development of self and it is so important to have the courage and encouragement to do so.
      Regards,
      Susan in Arizona

    • Beatrice, your thoughts are so poignant, I am moved to comment. I must constantly remind myself that being myself is not selfish; and to not fear that someone will take myself away from me — they do try.

      Thank you.

  22. Lovely post, Susan and Sis. Thank you. Do you know – I think it is gratitude I feel towards my daughter and her husband that they spend a fair amount of time with me and my husband. They readily accept a dinner invitation or an offer to go out for lunch or breakfast or a walk on the beach. I wonderhow this will change when their babies have aged a little, and we too have aged much more than we have already.
    I’m looking forward to your posts

    • Dear Debora;
      Perhaps the gratitude goes both ways. We all learn at all ages and all have something–big or small or in between to offer. Generations benefit from knowing each other.
      All best,
      Susan in Arizona

  23. Wonderful…..and so the blog challenge begins….but while you wrestle with the alphabet/aging/becoming, I am excited to see what your writings will open up around aging….I am so aware of the opportunities around this part of the cycle…..
    Thanks both of you
    x

    • Dear Didi;
      Thank you for the comments on wrestling as maybe that helps the openings of this too hidden topic.
      All best,
      Susan from Arizona

  24. Dear Mira;
    I am the other Susan responding to you.
    East and West have much to learn as they come together and share.
    We all have so much to learn from each other all the way through the life cycle. May we celebrate our moments at no matter what age.
    That is why Susan and Susan from two different sides of the planet thought to correspond on the process of aging.
    Regards,
    Susan

  25. Susan, thank you for opening up this vital subject! As an Indian who moved to Manhattan in the late 80s (i am now back in India as you know) I was shocked by how many women refused to divulge, or lied about, their age. One friend even stopped talking to me when i asked her how old she was. In India, in most situations, age is still revered — and associated with wisdom etc (which is not necessarily the case in my op!) But this too is rapidly changing in urban areas where the joint family no longer exists and where both partners in a couple are forced to work — and therefore the old are becoming more and more of a burden and often abused and mistreated. All the best with your ongoing investigation….I for one am glad I am no longer a teenager!

    • Dear T.J.
      I am the other Susan. We both hope you also find your own valuable words to live by.
      Regards,
      Susan

  27. The anonymity that you mention is so true. Shop assistants have eyes only for my son. Until I remind them that I am the wallet! So looking forward to your blogs. I LOATHE getting older, and hope the two Susans have words to make me like aspects of it.

    • I am the other Susan and replying. The whole point of what we are doing is to flesh out these awful feelings about aging so that we are not anonymous. After all, we certainly did something to make it to the stage of having a wallet! And, our depth and knowledge is more than that for sure.
      Regards,
      Susan

  28. Off to a great start mom and Susan 😉 I look forward to reading more posts.

  29. How appropriate that you begin your A-Z with “Attitude,” Susans. As I age I am increasingly aware of others’ attitude towards me and towards “aged” women, that attitude of discard. And my attitude towards myself of becoming complete, becoming who I am. Treasured friends may know me and some others may not; what’s important is that I know myself and am confident in that knowing. There is always more to explore, though, and the seeking and finding can be exhilarating.

    Thank you.

    • ‘Discard’ – such a powerful word to use Samantha and again a slamming into awareness. As you say one’s attitude to one’s self is what is significant, knowing one’s self better and the ‘confidence in that knowing’. Knowing too, that there is more, always more …

      Thank you so much for commenting. I appreciate this so much.

  30. Attitude is so important! Hands down, important.

    I live with chronic pain and have a physically demanding day job. Everyday I choose whether or not to let it defeat my attitude for the day. I choose positive nearly every day.

    Thank you for the post!

    • Thank you so much Liz. Attitude is All. It goes a huge distance in living.

      You will see from my response to Gwynn that this post was due on Tuesday …

  31. Goodness Susan, you have been busy. I noticed about three posts that I had not seen regarding your Aging and Becoming. When we reach “M” you may want to read my post for “Memory” as it deals a bit with your subject.

    As always, I enjoy your post and your straight-forward way of dealing with subjects. Aging can be a can of worms… at least for me as I’m dealing with numerous issues. Aging can be fun for some people and a nightmare for others… some of us depend on our “mind-set” to keep ourselves from falling apart.

    I see myself as Humpty Dumpty. I joke as otherwise I would scare myself so badly that I would fall into a deep, dark hole and never have the strength to climb out. Aging truly is not for the faint of heart. I look forward to reading your wisdom.

    • Thank you Gwynn. Of course I made a mistake in putting this up today. It was supposed to be on Tuesday. And you will note from the ‘pre’ April A-Z blog post I put up yesterday that Mike fixed some things.

      Your comment is thoughtful and I thank you for this. The Humpty Dumpty analogy is a real one, one which I relate to – and I am not joking.

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