Q: Quest, Lilith

 Quo Vadis: ‘whither goest thou?’ – Peter’s question to Christ –

In yesterday’s P post, two commenters Andrea and LB wondered if there was too much talking *about* Lilith instead of having a conversation *with* her in order to better connect with her ‘vital vein’ of feminine energies. So, I’m going to write of an experience of mine about 4 or 5 years ago. The small group I was in at the time met once a month and we took turns at being facilitators.

The facilitator provided crayons, pen and paper and gave us 20 minutes to write or draw or whatever we felt like doing and thereafter discussing it. I lightly shaded 3/4 of the A4 paper with a black crayon and drew a shadowy outline of the Black Madonna over the shading. I added a rough sketch of a fountain to the side of her that had crystal clear sparkling water. I had a dialogue with this Goddess.

This is what I wrote:

“Black Madonna, Lilith, Isis, Hecate all in the dense forest. There is no clear cut path.

“Me: O divine Goddess! So far yet so near! Beckoning –

Black Madonna: ‘Do not be afraid my child. Enter into the mystery. Know your womanhood and be joyous in it.

“Me: I’m not sure I know you my lady, or I have forgotten.

“BM: Merely forgotten my child, but enter and you can reclaim me – and yourself.

“Me: But it looks so dark and shadowy where you are, my Black Madonna. I’m afraid I will get lost and not find my way back again.

“BM: By being lost you will be found. It is always like that. I know you have always reached for the heights. The way to the heights is through the depths. Into the dark cavern of your soul. When you go there, you will shine a light on the darkness, and the darkness will begin to fade. I am the feminine principle, and with your help my child, by being in touch with your own soul, we will bring balance into the world and ease the suffering of both men and women. Come now and quench your thirst and drink of this crystal clear water”.

Over the next several days and weeks I spent a little while journaling on this, even though my resistance to this was strong. The image was powerful but I knew to not fixate on it. If anything, it pointed to something beyond. It demanded my attention and further exploration. Some sort of juncture maybe, a little bit of consciousness coming to the fore. Matters of soul importance came into clearer focus somehow. Similarly with dreams –

I feel very strongly the value of restoring, re-gaining, re-member-ing, re-cognising our lost Ladies of the Night, out of sight somehow, in the pregnant darkness where the soul resides, yet waiting patiently in the shadows, waiting to be reclaimed – to come towards the Light – and to be seen –

I feel very strongly about Lilith, a companion to me who encourages me to be braver and speak my truth. I feel the urgency of the restoration of the deep abiding feminine principle, if only to myself. But also with the hope that both male and feminine energies can be integrated and co-exist. For the betterment of ourselves and our beautiful planet. So, with my unconscious complexes in hand and always asking questions, yet with no expectation that there is an answer, I pay attention to my life and what is going on innerly – and outerly. And sometimes I just be –

Thank you for reading! I really appreciate your coming by and leaving comments. More than I can say – 


28 Comments on A-Z Q Quest

  1. Hi Susan – yes I’m now on a quest while being here to understand … so your posts are helping me see light and dark – where I need to adjust – cheers Hilary

  2. I did an active imagination with Kali yesterday. It began with, “I’m afraid of you.” Thanks so much, Susan, for sharing your personal journey with Lilith. I love the ideas about her and I love having them brought home into your body and blood. I felt that personal connection in the photos of you climbing a steep rocky wall with your husband, a masculine helper holding out his hand for you. A healthy animus energy helps us hold this Dark Feminine. It protects us from being overpowered. I share your prayer that in bringing the Dark Feminine to consciousness, we heal ourselves and our world.

    • Thank you dear Elaine for your comment. Was your AI with your group or on your own? Thank you also for saying a healthy animus energy helps the Dark Feminine and protects it from being overpowered – or feeling powerless. May there be healing for us all and our Earth.

  3. This is a fabulous post. Life or Lilith must be attempting to send me a message as Beth’s post was about “Resolving” to stretch. I feel that you are sending me the same message. I have sat back and been passive for too long as I’m afraid of the outcome. The black and bleak frightens me, but hopefully by my moving forward I will actually see some light. Thanks for the great encouragement. Your posts have really made me think… Thank you!

    • Hi Gwynn, just back home – literally. Am responding now to comments and still to put up an R post … I may pinch Beth’s ‘resolve’ word. But still to get to hers and others .. it’s a good word – even breaking it up into ‘re-solve’? That first step forward (the hardest) to be who we really truly are, with some courage as a companion – thank you for coming by …

  4. Such an interesting take on quest. Yours with Lilith has added a depth to your life that many people never experience. Of course, when something resonates with you, and you are wise enough to accept that energy, then your quest takes you to fabulous places.

  5. Dear Susan, What JOY to read your active imagination! For Hers is a true, deeply authentic voice, who speaks the same universal language of love wherever and to whom she is called. I also keep my tête-à-têtes with Her! When she arises, I recognise Her immediately! She’s out of her chrysalis, out of her deep despair! I see her shining through the gift of your words.

    Jeanette Winterson was a huge inspiration to me as a young woman who loved words, so it was wonderful to see her “questing” quote heading up your post. As the alphabet goes on I feel closer and closer to Lilith and all she represents. A holy grail of the wild feminine! Thank you so much for sharing your unique marriage of word and image! In sisterhood and in soul, Deborah.

    • That is a lovely response Deborah thank you so much! I like to check in with her now and again, whether in my head or in writing in notebooks, and reading about her or others of her ilk, but she usually gets me in my gut. That’s a lovely image of her being out of her chrysalis .. and saying ‘holy grail of the wild feminine’ 🙂 In soul, Susan

  6. This is very deep and thoughtful post susan, appreciate your openness to pick up quickly the feedback and directly share your own personal experience…. I read and read again to understand it better and yesterday I was thinking of Quo Vadis – for Q have not read the book but watched this film as adolescence and had great impact on me… feel good to even remember.

    Enter into the mystery and know your womanhood and be joyous… a powerful statement… the fear that comes in moving into the unknown getting lost to be found… is challenging process to bring out the feminine powers.. thanks for letting me think a little more deeper.

    • Thanks Genevive for your comment. Quo Vadis are powerful words which are applicable in today’s world too – where are you going – and also as I write, where are you coming from .. 🙂

  7. Talking ‘with’ is important but so is ‘about’. How else do we learn as aren’t both needed? You speak about unifying which is what Lilith wanted in equality with Adam. It is a hard task for us all but certainly worth it…

    • Thanks Susan – both are needed – as I read your comment, I’m wondering about Lilith wanting to be ‘equal’ to Adam – what she didn’t like was being submissive and he dominant ….

  8. If we agree that the feminine is grounded in reality (and in the depths) and responds to the masculine (the heights), with the masculine also responding to the needs of the feminine ~ then what does the dark feminine ask of us, not just in a personal sense (which is necessary) but also in dealing with the dark realities of our world as it is, separate from our comfortable illusions and denial, and typically *masculine* way of relating and initiating . . . which sometimes expresses its desire for the heights through misguided efforts to conquer, dominate and oppress, all recurring themes of empire.

    Maybe the dark, solitary journey of the dark feminine begins with the shattering of illusions and ties (to family, tribe, nation, empire), and it’s in this ripping away and apart that our quest and deeper questionings begin.

    I think most of us only think we’re awake and receiving the message . . . but are really still dreaming the collective dreams of our unconscious conditioning. Kind of like in the movie, “The Matrix.”

    Once again, you’ve chosen great words to help illustrate Lilith’s journey, Susan. Thanks also for being so consistently gracious and open to my sharing, even if you don’t necessarily agree. I appreciate it.

    • Thanks LB for your comment – we seem to be on the same page. Illusions … we’re all subject to them, men and women. It would be great to shatter them and see the value of disillusionment, a stripping away of what we’re so conditioned to and seeing reality for what it is really is.

      I’ve never seen The Matrix … but I certainly know of it. I remember thinking it was about the necessity of getting out of it – away from all the ruling powers of thought and action. There is a series I believe …

      There is an awakening I believe if only that we’re in deep doo doo and that something has to give. Who knows – sometimes I think that all must be destroyed before there can be a real re-construction?

      • Spoiler Alert: One of the main characters in the movie, “The Matrix” ~someone who’s been freed from his former imprisonment and illusions~ begins to find the waking reality he’s confronted with so dark and challenging, he makes a deal with his oppressors (and turns against his former ideals) in order to return to a new and improved, more appealing version of the dream.

        I don’t think we can underestimate the alluring quality of illusion. The lie can be very appealing.

  9. Hi, Susan – I greatly appreciate how you so quickly (and effectively) implemented suggestions from your readers. This post could also lead nicely to tomorrow’s entry “Restoring, Re-gaining, Re-member-ing, Re-cognising….”.

  10. Deep ringing resonance with this, Susan. Thank you for sharing… These sweet, vulnerable moments of communion with the black madonna, Lilith, Isis, Hecate are so precious. They speak of relationship, tenderly, powerfully. I feel her resonating through your listening/receiving and recognize the deep kindliness of her presence. I remember this touch and am honoured you would share this part of the Quest with us.

    Looking forward to the final stretch of the Lilith journey as the deepening continues. How sweet to be in the company of others who are reaching to listen within the sacredness of this circle.

    Thank you, yet again…

    • Thank you Andrea – it is sweet for me to share with all who read it. It was and is a deepening and moving experience for me, and again to write about it. Thank you for your always valuable connection and responses …

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