W : WHEEL & WEIGHT
Everything goes, everything comes back; eternally rolls the wheel of being.
I think of Sisyphus with his shoulder to the boulder pushing it to the top of the mountain – it would roll down and the task would be repeated, for eternity. No variation – just up and down, endless repetition. Such is the weight and wheel of life when one refuses to lift the needle from its stuck-ness on the record track and our lives are rendered devoid of meaning.
This time of aging makes it even more imperative to see where it is that we are endlessly repeating the same old wounds. The weight of those wounds want and need to be worked out and the load lightened. It may bring wisdom in its wake, even if only because they have been given attention as a way of not repeating a tired way of reacting.
Time spent in quietness, reflection and silence is not wasted time. It is time well spent, wondering about this thing called life and all it’s joys and catastrophes. What was – and what can yet be. To find the poetry in one’s soul that wants to emerge. To find what is deeply felt and meaningful to ourselves has enormous value even if we lose familiar parts of ourselves along the way. It is time to connect to one’s soul and heart and listen to its faint callings.
We find ourselves facing the winter of our lives and wonder again if there is water to feed our souls. Winter invariably seems dark and dank, dry and dead. Stark and grim is what we see above ground. Things lie underground, invisible for a long time. The waiting is long for anything to emerge, and we are impatient for the seed to emerge. But wait we must –
Many of us feel that we have no real worth – for whatever reason. Maybe this is the time to not only ‘wonder’ about this, but also to embark on ‘wandering’ around one’s self, as a healing circumambulatio, an alchemical term denoting a circling around, a movement to the essence through the indirect, the ambiguous. Walk on the edge and slowly circle in. This may be a painful exercise and only further confuse and confound and could seem as if the wheel is going in reverse.
Time to get behind the steering wheel and put your own gas into it and drive it the way you want, instead of being asleep at the wheel. Is it comfortable behind the wheel? Is it getting you somewhere? Is it more like a roulette wheel? Can we re-invent the wheel?
We talk about losing weight – is there a more constructive way of looking at this and rather wonder about ‘gaining lightness’? Don’t watch the weight being lost; watch the light growing..
Can you let go of some of the weight of the wheel accrued?