T – TOLERABLE
Anais Nin in answer to the question “Why does one write?”
“… It is a world for others, an inheritance for others … in the end. When you make a world tolerable for yourself, you make a world tolerable for others’.
Can we make a world tolerable to ourselves as we age? Do we have to struggle with ourselves at all times? Do I have to grapple with inner and outer to make things tolerable? Will that make ‘…a world tolerable for others’? Is it possible to be more tolerable towards myself? Can I come to a better inner view of myself, which by definition contains many worlds? So many, and so different to each other, yet somehow there are also similarities, even in their differences. So many shadings and shadows, unknown places where we don’t want to go.
We know when matters are not tolerable to us. We feel unease, unhappiness and a sense of things not being fairly squared. We feel it in the workplace, in relationships, in the environment, in ourselves ..
Are we willing to sustain the effort of becoming more of who we are as we age? Can we trust the process of becoming more tolerable towards ourselves? Do we know those parts of ourselves that are intolerable to us? We are quite quick to find aspects of people that are intolerable – but how much of this is our own shadow? We are quite adept in disguising ourselves to others, and thus, almost from habit, we become disguised to ourselves. This is intolerable in some way. Will I allow my vulnerabilities and my all too human foibles and follies to become visible to myself and thus to others, allowing them to see that I too am vulnerable, just as others are. Will that breach of the gap make ‘… a world tolerable to others’?
I want to know that when I face death that I have done my best in making my world tolerable to myself. I reckon to do this, I must bring those dark unknown aspects of myself that are strangers to me and thus fearful to me. I want to know my moral identity to some extent. There’s nothing to lose in this and maybe much to gain.
I know that I have to take myself out of my comfort zone to bring all those disparate shadow parts of myself into some sort of unity so that I can truthfully say I know myself a little better. And if I know myself a little better, warts and all, foibles, follies, the whole catastrophe of myself, yet abide by truths (eg harm no one or thing), this then has value and may help towards making the world a little more tolerable to others.
I feel that if I can achieve this I may have added a grain of consciousness to the world.
Incidentally, I do NOT like the word ‘tolerate’ – I do not want to be ‘tolerated’. Or my race, religion or gender ‘tolerated’. It has a negative connotation.
Are you tolerable to yourself?